Bindings That I Cannot Break
by Secretdoors97
Summary: Fenris loathes mages, but will he soften for one who he wants to hate...but can't? Fenris POV
1. Hunted

The rooftops of Lowtown proved to provide a better hiding place than any dark alley. I had a good few of the city, every corner was in my sight, and any slaver was being watched without him even realizing it. I could hear their frustrated conversations, they had been searching the city nearly all night by now, but none of them ever thought to look up. I glanced over my shoulder, an action that was becoming habit over years of paranoia. No one was coming up the rusted metal latter that had provided my hiding spot.

I crouched down and glanced at Anso again. The dwarf wrung his big hands together once more, his back towards me. The dwarf had been surprisingly cooperative with me, though when I had approached him; his eyes were constantly looking at the sky. The fear of falling _up_… I shook my head and paced to the other side of the rooftop. A small horde of slavers stood searching the alienage, they were yelling commands to one another, pointing in various directions and sending the men running up into the deserted Lowtown streets. Their cluelessness was almost amusing to watch, and there was something gratifying in being able to watch them look so confused and so frustrated.

A small yelp from Anso pulled my attention away from the slavers and back towards the dwarf. He stood, wiping his sweaty palms on his trousers, and looking up at a small group of people. Three women, a young man, and a dwarf- they must be the distraction I was promised. It was hard to fully make out what they were saying; the woman spoke quietly, so the conversation seemed very one-sided. I only managed to make out the words "lyrium" and "alienage". I looked over my shoulder in the direction of the alienage, and back to the woman. By then, she and her companions were already making their way there.

I looked down at Anso again, and he saw me out of the corner of his bug-eyes, before giving me a quick nod. The distraction was in place, and the plan was in motion. I took another few steps over to look upon the alienage once more. The woman and her companions had run into the slavers camped out in the alienage, and seemed to be taking out every last one of those insufferable Tevinters. I watched the young man for a moment; he swung a giant blade rather carelessly around, knocking down everything in the sword's path, and almost taking the head off of the dwarf. It would have been a cringe worthy accident, and that dwarf should consider himself lucky.

A blast of fire caught my eye, and my head whipped over to the young, dark haired woman who had been speaking with Anso. She spun a long, wooden staff around in her hand, and fired at the incoming slavers, taking most of them out with blasts of mana and ice. A mage. Of course she was a mage. Of all people for Anso to find, it had to be another damn mage. I immediately turned my attention back to the young man, careless with his blade, and the tall, red haired woman fighting not too far from the mage woman. Her form was more graceful, yet she was taking down many slavers with a few whips of her blade. The last woman slashed a pair of twin daggers around as she jumped and spun. I was almost surprised that the small, exposing clothes that she wore had not ripped or burst yet.

When the last slaver fell, the mage brushed her dark bangs out of her face and turned to the house, ushering for the others to follow. The door shut behind her quietly, and the city fell into an eerie sense of quiet and calm. I heard more voices just below me, more slavers, no doubt. I glanced warily over the side of the roof, and down to them. "Looks like whatever happened is done now." One of the hunters said, as he lead another patrol of slave hunters towards the alienage. I wasn't sure of the number of men they had brought to retrieve me, but counting those the small group had killed, and those approaching the alienage now, it had to be at least forty.

"Do you think it was the elf?" A woman asked. The first man shook his head.

"Doubt it. One lanky elf against nearly twenty seasoned hunters? There's simply no way."

"He's eluded us for this long." The woman said.

"What? Are you afraid of him?" The first man mocked. "He is a slave, what harm could he do?" I clenched my fists and watched them approach the carnage in the alienage. I felt content in seeing the looks on their faces when they saw their fallen comrades.

"What? H-How could this have happened?" The man exclaimed, kneeling before the man laying at his feet. "They're all… dead." He stood and looked to the house. "Surround the house, make sure no one leaves this alienage without shackles!" The hunters gathered in a mass around the house, waiting for me, it seems. After a few minutes of intense silence, the door opened, and the mage woman lead her party out, but stopped abruptly when she saw the horde of hunters at the door. She arched an eyebrow, and looked more frustrated than scared. The hunters, on the other hand, just looked confused.

"Wait, that's not the elf!" The woman said, pointing to her.

"Doesn't matter!" Another yelled. "We were told to kill anyone who enters the house!" He drew his blade, as did the others. An amused look crossed the mage's face, and she drew her staff.

"As you wish." She said, accepting the challenge the hunters had offered her. She threw her arm to the side, and the first line of hunters caught fire. Her companions ran to deal with the rest. I could not help but to watch the mage, her brow was furrowed with concentration as she focused herself on taking out every last hunter who approached her. Ice, fire, and mana flew from her hands and staff, hitting its target nearly every time. I shook my head, she was going to hurt someone one of these days, even if she does not realize it.

I heard more footsteps below me, on the other side of the building. I ran over and looked down. The hunter lieutenant lead a small party of only five hunters towards the alienage. I looked over my shoulder at the party's progress. They were already outnumbered as it was, and a mere five men could mean the difference between their lives, and their deaths. I ran to the latter, slid down, and drew my blade.

The first guard had not seen, nor heard my coming, and my blade was through his chest before he knew it. The others turned, hearing his gasp, and narrowed their eyes. I swung my long-blade at the first to approach me, cutting through him quickly. The next deflected my hit, only to be rewarded with my foot against his stomach, and sword through his back while he was doubled over. The next ran at me and swung his sword right for my head. He would have decapitated me, had I not ducked at the last second. I turned quickly, slashing at his leg, and then at his head. The last hunter shot an arrow at me, his aim off, and his arrow hitting the wall behind me. I looked at my sword, and then up to him. The closer I got to him, the better his chances were at hitting me, but his hands were shaking from obvious fear- he couldn't hit me if his arrow was pressed against my forehead. I ran at him, knocking the bow out of his hands, and shoving my blade through his gut. I straightened, but felt cold metal against my throat.

"Not so fast, slave." The lieutenant snarled. "Drop the sword." My eyes flickered to him, and to my bloodied sword. This man obvious had no idea who he was dealing with, and his over-confidence both infuriated and amused me. I let my blade fall, and clatter against the stone, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the guard smile menacingly. "Good, this makes it a lot less painful for you."

"But not for you." I said calmly. I could feel the glow building on my markings, the adrenaline and strength pumping into my veins and muscles, and small burning sensation I have grown so accustomed to beginning to build up in my system, and show on my skin. Soon I was alight with the blue glow of lyrium. I clenched my hand into a fist and brought it backwards towards the guard. The side of my fist connected with his chest, just over his heart, and the wet, disturbingly warm feeling spreading up my arm as my hand found its way through.

The lieutenant's eyes went wide with pain and shock; he gasped, and doubled over, holding his hand over his heart, and staring at me, eyes wide with disbelief. I pushed him away, and he stumbled around the building, towards the alienage. Hesitantly, I followed about a foot behind, so I would not be seen, and still have a small window of time to escape, had the mage and her companions failed in bringing down the hunters.

"Captain!" The lieutenant cried. He stumbled again, before falling onto his face. The area was silent for a moment, all sounds of battle had ceased, and there was no exclamation from the hunters. I took my chance and stepped into sight. There was only the captain, the mage, and her friends.

"Your men are dead, and your trap has failed." I said, matter-of-factly, as I stepped down the stone steps into the alienage. I caught the reaction of the mage out of the corner of my eye. She had taken on a protective stance, her body shielding the young man behind her. Her bright eyes were sharp, watching every move I made with no expression except distrust. The captain's jaw dropped.

"Stop right there slave!" He snapped, grabbing my arm. I felt the familiar rush of lyrium, it was proving difficult to control. The anxiety of recent events and fogginess of my own thought made control impossible. The fact that I was also unarmed did little to help the situation. I turned, again thrusting my already bloodied hand through the captain's chest. He let out a shocked, tight breath, and his body relaxed.

"I am not a slave." I snarled. I looked to the small party staring at me wide-eyed. I noticed the wide eyed look on the mage, her staff gripped tightly in her hand. I lowered my own hand, trying to calm myself down before speaking to her. "I…apologize." I said calmly. "When I had asked Anso to provide a distraction for the hunters, I had no idea they would be so numerous." I noticed the mage's grip on her staff relaxed, and she looked from the dead captain to me.

"Those men were after you, I take it?" I asked. I could make out genuine curiosity on her face.

"Correct." I answered. "My name is Fenris. Those men were imperial bounty hunters from the Tevinter Imperium. They were seeking to recover a magister's lost property…namely myself." I said, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice. "They had been trying to lure me into the open. Crude as their methods were, I could not face them myself." The numbers had been even greater this time, meaning Denarius was beginning to lose his patience at my not being found. This had been an ongoing situation I was finding myself in for over a year now. All the running and hiding…I was beginning to fear it was driving me mad. The woman nodded, looking me up and down, and I noticed her shoulders slumping as she began to relax.

"My name is Marian…but I prefer Hawke, if you don't mind." She looked to her companions. "This is my brother, Carver, and my friends, Aveline, Varric, and Isabela." I nodded, and took not even a moment to study her. A mage, more than likely and apostate. Short black hair, and bright blue eyes, with a smudge of what appeared to be red war paint across her nose, giving the appearance of a gash. "If those men really were after you, I'm glad we could lend a hand." I took a moment to let words sink in before responding. This was something I had not heard in a long time…her attitude towards her assistance to me was surprising, to say the least.

"I have met few who have sought anything more than personal gain." I looked at the ground, then back to Hawke. I glanced at the door to the abandoned house that held the chest. "If I may ask, what was in the chest? The one in the house?" Hawke followed my gaze, and her eyes met mine again.

"It was empty." She said unsurely. I sighed, feeling my shoulder slump with disappointment.

"I suppose it was too much to hope for. Even so, I had to know." I shook my head, noticing the mage's confused look.

"What did you think was in it?" She asked, blinking.

"I-nothing. I was expecting something else but…I shouldn't have. It was bait, nothing more." Thankfully, she let the subject drop.

"You know, you didn't have to lie to get my help." She pointed out, crossing her arms over her chest.

"That remains to be seen." I said, crouching before the captain and beginning to loot through his things. If the hunters had found me in Kirkwall, Denarius probably knew I was here too. Hopefully that bastard magister even came with them. I rummaged through the small pack on the captain's belt, and pulled out a letter, which was from Denarius. I read over it quickly, skimming over the lines I deemed "unimportant". Hawke watched me, one dark eyebrow raised. "Just as I thought." I crumpled the letter in my hand and straightened up. "My former master accompanied them to the city." I said bitterly between clenched teeth. Hawke opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. "I know you have questions, but I must confront him before he flees." I looked from Hawke to her companions. "And I will need your help." Hawke put her hands on her hips.

"I take it you want to do more than just talk." She said a spark of amusing flickering in her eyes. I could feel my face darken.

"Denarius wants to strip the flesh from my bones and has sent so many hunters that I have lost count. And before that, he kept me on a leash like some, Qunari mage." I spat angrily. "So yes, I intend to do more than just talk." Hawke looked to the others, and seemed to ponder this herself before she answered.

"I suppose…if it means killing more slavers." She smirked a little. Just like a mage, looking forward to harming and killing, even if it was slavers. I nodded anyway; I could use all the help she could provide me, and after all, she was the first person who had ever agreed to helping me, instead of just attempting to turn me in with the promise of coin in return. I had to find some gratitude in that, even for a mage.

"I will find some way to repay you, I swear it." I said. "Denarius has a mansion in Hightown, meet me there as soon as you can. We must enter before morning." Hawke nodded, and I turned quickly, leaving the alienage before she had a chance to change her mind…or for more hunters to find us.


	2. Searching

The windows of the mansion were still dark. There was still no sign of Denarius, but that did not mean he was not hiding inside still. The sound of footsteps broke my gaze as Hawke and her companions entered the square to meet me, as promised.

"I have not seen anyone enter or leave the house." I informed her. "Denarius must still be inside." Her sharp eyes wandered to the dark mansion before us, studying it intently before she spoke again.

"I could stand to know a little more about this…Denarius." She said, turning back to face me. Of course she had to know more. As much as I disliked speaking about my former master, she was assisting me and had every right to know.

"He is a magister of the Tevinter Imperium." I said slowly, trying to avert my gaze from Hawke's focused face. "There, he is a wealthy man with great power. Here," I pointed to the mansion. "He is just a man, who sweats like any other when death comes for him." Hawke gave a short nod. It was not hard to see the gears of her head shifting as her mind worked.

"Then we should be careful. He has probably prepared some kind of…magical defenses." She was being cautious, but I had no care for caution. Whatever defenses Denarius had prepared were only mere obstacles attempting to prevent me from reaching Denarius. Obstacles that I will overcome.

"That will not keep me from him." I said bitterly. Hawke nodded, and turned to her companions.

"So who's interested?" It was obvious to tell that they were not enthusiastic about accompanying Hawke in her attempts to help me.

"Ah, what harm could it do?" The dwarf with the crossbow shrugged, stepping forward. I noticed the dark skinned, scantily dressed woman's eyes locked on me, her expression was nothing less than interested in, not my mission, but myself. I avoided her gaze, and pretended to study the mansion once more.

"Could be fun." The woman purred as she stepped to Hawke's side. It appeared almost, that she had winked at her. A part of me wished that Hawke would deny this woman her request to help, but Hawke did not such thing. Hawke turned to me.

"Ready when you are, Fenris." She said. Was she asking me to lead? Hiding my initial surprise from the statement, I nodded, and started towards the mansion.

XXX

The side entrance to the mansion was through a small door west of the main entrance, and to the side. It would be foolish to go charging in through the front door. It was better to take Denarius by surprise, after all. We had found the door unlocked, Denarius was expecting me; he had made that obvious. I saw Hawke reach for her staff, her eyes locked on the area ahead of her. I would need to watch her closely, though she had shown no sign of using blood magic in her previous fight, whatever Denarius had left for us was far greater than any slaver he could have sent, and desperation always forces even the strongest to take drastic measures. I knew close to nothing about this woman, let alone what sort of measures she would take, I had not expected something I would need to watch out for on my way to Denarius, was the woman accompanying me.

The mansion was suspiciously quiet as we entered. The dark room was illuminated only by the pale moon shining through the windows. It was easy to tell that the house was in a state of disrepair. It was littered with overturned furniture and broken shelves, spilling their contents onto the floor before them. Whatever sort of trap Denarius was attempting to set, it would not work.

"I know you're here Denarius!" I called out into the silence. "Come out and face me!" There was no response, not from Denarius, and not from whatever he had set to meet us. We moved on to the next room, where we finally met Denarius' first trap. Spirits emerged from the floor, advancing on us from all angles. Hawke was the first to attack, swiping her hand through the air, and as she did so, a wall of ice spikes rose quickly from the floor, impaling the first advancing spirits before they could reach us. It killed only one, but injured the rest. I brought my sword down onto one; I turned, slashing through another. I turned just as the last reached me, I had been too careless, and this particular spirit had taken advantage of the opportunity I had presented it. It was close enough to touch me.

Before it got the chance to do any harm, it froze, ice creeping up from the floor, and freezing over it before it was completely frozen over. Hawke thrust the pointed end of her staff into its back, and it shattered. I stared at the shards of the spirit for a moment, before glancing up at her. No blood magic-not yet. Merely ice. I said nothing, and turned to the next door that leads into the main hall. More spirits attacked us, flanking from the stairs and the main entrance to the mansion.

I reminded myself to stay on guard on all sides of me, checking the areas around me when the chance presented itself. I would not allow a mage to assist me like that anymore. I did not need the aid of magic to reach the magister. As the number of spirits diminished, however, I could not help but glance over at Hawke. She moved quickly, casting spells and slashing through spirits and demons with her staff. Her movements were graceful, agile, and precise, and had caught my attention more times than I cared to admit. She attacked with elements, energy, and gravity, throwing spirits into the wall as she set another on fire. It would have been almost admirable, if the threat of blood magic was non-existent. The last spirit fell to one of the dwarf's bolts, and he praised the crossbow he held in his hands, cooing to it, and calling it Bianca.

Hawke came up next to me. "He named his crossbow?" I asked, attempting to look like it did not bother me. Hawke chuckled.

"Yes, that's Bianca." She brushed her dark bangs out of her face. "You get used to it though; it's almost like having another member to the party."

"That's…disturbing." Hawke shrugged.

"There are worse things he could be doing with it." She glanced to the stairs. "Would Denarius be up there?" She asked, nodding her head to the stairs.

"With any luck." I said, leading the small party up the stairs. The other two rooms at the top of the stairs were empty; meaning the last one in the center had to be it. I reached for the knob, and cursed in Arcanum when I found it locked.

"Oh, don't get your britches in a knot!" The dark-skinned woman, who Hawke had called Isabella, said, pushing through to the door. "I can pick the lock."

"It needs a key, Bella." Hawke said, her brow arching with a look of almost amusement as Isabella tried and failed to pick the lock on the door.

"I really hate it when you're right." Isabella straightened from the door and Hawke looked down at the first floor.

"Where do you think it would be?" Hawke asked.

"I am not sure." I said, trying to hide my frustration. I could possible break through the door, the markings provided that much, but I was in no mood to feel that sting right now.

"Well, we'd better start looking." Hawke said, turning and marching down the stairs. Her optimism almost filled me with a sense of annoyance. She had no idea how frustrating this was becoming. The woman was in her own world of coin and mana, everything was just fine as far as she was concerned. Anything could be worked out, and everything would be just fine. Feeling reluctant, I followed Hawke down the stairs and through another doorway.

More spirits greeted us, allowing me to get out most of my frustrations through battle. Well, try to release most of my frustrations, Hawke felt she would be helping by either freezing them, or setting them on fire. While it shortened the battle, it only made me angrier. Now I was determined to find some sort of proof of blood magic, or an abomination but…there was no such proof. The woman was clean.

The last door in the hall was accompanied by a demon, which proved difficult to defeat. The creature was burning to the touch, and fought with such a fury it was difficult to get close enough to hit. For once, I was thankful for Hawke's ability to slow it down, or freeze it. The form of magic she used was interesting to see. She did not cut herself for power, rely on the blood of her companions to fuel her mana, in fact, she used potions for that. She was the sort of mage I was not used to, she seemed…harmless. My suspicions of her only seemed to grow however; no mage was so content on relying on rest and lyrium to restore their power, and they certainly were not content with simply using ice and gravity to slay foes.

When the demon finally fell, Hawke knelt before the remains, pushing aside the embers it left, looking for anything to take. I had noticed she did that a lot, often taking small amounts of coin off of the corpses, it was an odd habit for a person to have, but it would be hypocritical of me to say it was odd, considering I had searched the slaver's corpse in the alienage right in front of her.

"Fenris." Hawke said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Is this the key to that room upstairs?" She held a small, gold key in her hands.

"Perhaps." I said, as she dropped it into my hand. "There is only one way to be certain."

The key had unlocked the door, but triggered the final trap Denarius had left for us. We were attacked by an onslaught of demons and spirits. They came from the walls, the floor, and one even evaporated out of the very air. The locked room, however, was empty.

Denarius was gone.

That only fueled the anger that had been building in me since I walked into this cursed mansion, but the empty room had ignited it. I did not need Hawke's help in taking out many of the spirits, and I ignored at the sting on my flesh as the overwhelming emotions I was feeling ignited the lyrium in my markings. The fight, however, seemed to drag on longer than I would have wanted. I desired nothing more than to leave, to be rid of this place and off to the next. Denarius had tricked me, and he would pay dearly.

The last of the spirits fell, and Hawke ran to me. "I don't understand…I thought…." I sighed, looking at the floor. "Denarius is gone." It sounded so unbelievable coming from my mouth, almost humiliating when I had assured her that he was here. I had been so certain, I was so foolish to believe that the bastard would actually come. Hawke opened her mouth to speak, but closed it quickly. "I'll assume Denarius left valuables behind. Take them if you wish, I…need some air." I left the mansion, and the others behind, and went outside.

The night was quiet, and allowed me to collect my thoughts better. I expected them all to be of Denarius, where he was, how I would get to him, what I was to do next… but my mind often strayed back to Hawke. I was so uncertain about her, and admittedly, the feeling of uncertainty frightened me. Magisters were predictable, they all use blood magic, all keep slaves, their intentions are always certain, but it was so simple to tell what they wanted, and their means to get that very thing.

Hawke however, was not like that. She was, in a sense, confusing. She was a mage, and mages use blood magic, they make deals with demons. They don't help people…especially not escaped slaves. But back in the mansion…there was no sign of blood magic; she did not appear to be an abomination. Yet I was still so unsure. She made me paranoid, but in a sense, I felt safer with her and my uncertainty than I did with the magisters and their clear intentions. I leaned my head back against the cold stone of the mansion and tried to wrap my mind around it all.

The door opened and Hawke and her companions approached me. She cocked her head to the side, as a sign that she was confused. "It never ends." I said simply. "I escape a land of dark magic…only to have it follow me wherever I go. It is a plague, burned into my flesh and my soul." Hawke looked down, unsure of what to say. "And now, I find myself in the company of even more mages." She looked up, her brow creased with worry. "I saw you casting spells in there; I should have realized what you really were." I straightened up and faced her; I did not see anger on her face though, only fear. "You are mage…then what are you intentions?" I asked, defensively. I would find out more about this woman, finally put all my fear and uncertainty towards her to rest. The fear in her eyes was quickly replaced with offense.

"I'm just trying to get by." She said, narrowing her eyes at me. I saw her make no move to retrieve her staff, nor set me on fire. I was silent for a moment, there was many ways to get by.

"Many would do horrible things in the name of survival." I said, I could not bring myself to meet her gaze, however. Her face twisted with disgust, and I quickly realized what I must have sounded like to her. This was no way to treat the one person who has offered to help me so selflessly. I hung my head. "I imagine I must sound ungrateful. If so, that is not the case, for nothing could be further from the truth." Hawke's face softened slightly. "Anso chose well. Here is all the coin I have, as promised. If you have further need of me, I imagine I may remain here." I only realized what I had said after I had said it. I was offering my services to a mage…willingly, I might add.

"Will you have a problem with me, or my companions in the future?" Hawke asked.

"I will watch closely, but only if the need arises." I said calmly, trying not to offend her again.

"I'm planning an expedition into the Deep Roads, I could use your help." She said. Her voice had retained some of its kinder tone. The guilt from my distrust vanished some. I nodded.

"Very well. I suppose I will remain here, if Denarius wishes to have his mansion back, he can come and claim it." Hawke nodded, and she and her companions left soon after. I watched her go, putting my assumptions towards blood magic to rest, but that did not mean that my confusions about her where exactly at rest.


	3. Casual Conversation

To say I had settled nicely into the mansion would be a lie. Something about remaining in the mansion brought about a familiar sense of discomfort and paranoia. As much I disliked waiting for Denarius in the mansion, I had nowhere else to go. I could have left, but I had made a promise to Hawke, and it was one I intended to keep.

A couple of days after we had attempted to find Denarius, Hawke and stopped by the mansion again to check on me. That in itself was a surprise. She had dropped by completely unexpectedly, knocking on the door in the late afternoon when no one was around. I had not expected her to come, and nearly went for my sword before I heard her calling for me to answer the door.

We sat up in Denarius' study; the room was in disarray still, as it had been when we had broken in. The mansion did not deserve to be restored; Maker only knew what Denarius might have used it for, if it was so disorganized when we had arrived…even if the mansion was not exactly Denarius'. If I was to stay there, I would need to get used to the mess and disorder of the estate.

She did not seem to care about the nearly empty bottle of wine on the table when she entered, that, or she did not notice. She was pleasant enough, asking me how I was settling in, and how I was, and offering her help. That surprised me, the way I had made my hatred for mages brutally obvious. As much as I tried to push the feeling away, I could not help but feel comfortable around this woman…a mage of all things. She was kind when she did not need to be, very polite company and easy to speak to. But she was still a mage… pleasantries are nice, but I still was not entirely sure if I could trust her fully yet.

I picked up the wine bottle from the table and examined it. Hawke looked from the still-burning fire and up to me, her sharp eyes taking in my movements in almost a studious way. "Agreggio Parvoli. Denarius has six bottles in the cellar. Fitting, considering all Tevinter wine is made from the tears and blood of slaves." I said, studying the bottle with no real interest. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Hawke arch a single dark eyebrow at my tears and blood comment. Of course it was an exaggeration, but considering many badly-treated slaves probably labored over the wine for the Magisters for weeks in dreadful conditions, I was probably not very far off. Hawke said nothing, and allowed me to turn the bottle in my hand. I will admit to relying on alcohol since my arrival in Kirkwall, it was easy to numb feelings through wine, and Denarius' extensive supply only seemed to help for a change. I stared at the bottle, remembering the last time I had been allowed to touch a bottle with the same contents back in Tevinter. The contented feeling I had felt speaking to Hawke was suddenly replaced with the bitter disgust I feel whenever I am reminded of that pathetic excuse of a man. "Denarius used to have me pour it for his guests." I spat bitterly. "He said my appearance intimidated them…which he enjoyed."

Thinking back to the way every one of Denarius' sniveling party guests would avoid eye-contact with me, and look all around uncomfortable around me sent a burning wave of anger through my blood, which I was determined to quiet with the wine in my hand. It felt almost ironic, in a sick way, that I would be using the same drink to dull the fires of my hate. Hawke looked from the bottle to me, her eyes narrowing in a thoughtful way before she spoke again. "I can't imagine why they would be put off." She said thoughtfully, as though she were speaking to herself. I was silent for a moment, trying to think of how to respond to the unexpected comment.

I had never heard something like that from anyone before. My markings had _always_ put people off. I looked strange, and over time, I had come to accept that. People were uncertain around me, fearful and uncomfortable. It was a sensation I had grown accustomed to, and Hawke's unexpected compliment caught me off guard. I tried to hide that shock, however, and looked from the wine, to her. "I'll take that as a compliment." Shock and the still burning anger from my memories of being a slave were not a pleasant combination. I know that I could tend to lose my temper, but a swirling mix of strong feelings and emotions only tend to set me off even quicker. I did not want Hawke to see that side of me. She did not regard me as abnormal, as intimidating, she regarded me as a person…not just another slave. As much as I hated to think it, the last thing I wanted to do what put the mage off. I quickly downed the rest of the bottle, trying to calm my nerves as quickly and easily as I knew how, but the frustration still lingered in a way that I could not subdue it.

Glancing at the empty bottle a final time, I turned, and threw it. It hit the wall to the side of me, and shattered. Hawke jumped a little in her seat, but made no other remarks. Almost immediately after, my nerves began to calm, and I took in a breath. "It's good I can still take pleasure in the small things." Hawke looked at the shards of the bottle and back to me, sensing something amiss, and I could see the obvious look of pity and uncertainty in her gaze.

"You've had a difficult life." She observed plaintively. She had no idea… instead of showing any anger, or frustration or hatred; I attempted to drop the subject as quickly and calmly as I could.

"I would prefer not to speak of it." I said, turning away from her blue eyed gaze. She did not look away from me.

"Are you certain? I'm willing to listen." That was a first. I could already tell that this woman was one who always listened. She had hardly said a word her entire visit, if only to ask a question. She seemed the quiet type, perhaps which was only because she _was _actually intimidated by me. Just what I needed…another to be so easily scared of me. I tried to stay casual, and calm, and not give her a reason to be scared of me.

"To my whining? Charitable of you." I sat across from her, hoping that would only help make the atmosphere less tense. "I have tried to leave my past behind….but it will not stay there." I glanced up at her, she watched with curious eyes, waiting for me to continue speaking, even though I had nothing left to say. "Tell me, have you never wanted to return to Ferelden?" One of the first things we had spoken about when she arrived was where she was from. Lothering, in the southern parts of Ferelden. Quite the trek from here. Hawke shrugged.

"I grew up in Ferelden, it will always be my home." She seemed dismissive of the topic, but I could see the look on her face telling me she was thinking of her home, of how it was lost. It probably would have been better for me to drop the subject then and there, but I continued to ask questions.

"The Blight is over…you could regain what you've lost. Do you truly not want to?" She pondered the question for a moment, trying to find the right words. That was almost…uncomforting. The fact that she needed to search for the right words….Or perhaps I was just being too paranoid.

"My mother is from Kirkwall." She said finally. "My heritage is here." She spoke with a tone of certainty that told me she did not, in fact, wish to return. I nodded, feeling a small pang of jealousy in my gut.

"Having somewhere to put down roots. I understand. Still…to have the option, it must be gratifying…" I looked away from her for a moment, feeling her gaze lingering on me. I turned back to her.

"You could stay…Fenris." She said, almost like it was an invitation. _An invitation to a disheveled, run-down mansion once belonging to a potentially dead Tevinter merchant…yes. This is where I would spend my years. _I thought bitterly. But where else did I really have to go? What other option did I possess other than to stay here?

"I could see myself staying. For the right reasons." We both fell silent for a moment, and she looked at the floor, the both of us finally running out of things to say. Some host I was…but really, what experience could I have? But…a part of me wanted to make her feel even the slightest bit welcome. She had helped me with the slavers, and helped me attempt to find Denarius. I felt like I owed her something. "I should thank you again for helping me with the slavers. If I had known Anso would find me a woman so…" I searched for the right word. "…Capable, I would have asked sooner." A shy smile crept across Hawke's face, and she chuckled.

"Maybe I should be thanking Anso." There was a hint of flirtation in her voice, another surprise from the least likely of things. A mage flirting with me was not exactly the welcome I had anticipated when coming to Kirkwall.

I laughed, which I had been doing less and less of lately. It felt…good to smile at something. "Maybe you should." I glanced at the window, noticing the sun sinking below the horizon. I was not overly fond of Hawke having to make her way to Lowtown in the dark, with all the gangs about. "Perhaps I should practice my flattery for your next visit?" I stood, still feeling a smile on my lips. "With any luck I will become better at it." Hawke smiled and nodded.

"Sounds like a deal." She stood, preparing to take her leave. "Good night, Fenris." She smiled, and made her way to the front door. I watched her go, and fell back into a chair. The front door shut, and I was alone again. The feeling was a familiar one, but greatly unwelcomed. The comfort I felt from Hawke's visit was more than likely the knowledge that maybe I would not remain alone any longer. It was comforting, and I wanted to trust this woman, I really did. There was so much about her that made me feel…different, than I had in a long time. She was kind to me, patient and wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She seemed strong, and I could respect that.

The small part of me was still hung up on her use of magic though. From the moment my memories were gone, mages were evil, and that was the only conclusion I had ever come to when it came to magic and those who possessed it. I had only known her for a little over a few days, and I was still uncertain about putting my suspicions of blood magic use to rest. The thought was a disturbing one. I didn't want the comfortable feelings I felt around her to be replaced by repulsion at the sight of her. It happened far too often. I wanted so badly to trust this woman, but there was still so much I did not know about her. She was all but a mystery to me, and that uncertainty only made me want to jump to the conclusion that she, like so many others, had fallen prey to darker magic.

I glanced at the doorway again, sighed and stood to retrieve another bottle of wine. The onset of alcohol's effects were too welcome, and I was eager to forget my feelings for a time.


	4. Expidition

In the weeks that followed, my opinion of Hawke began to vary greatly. Some days, she was tolerable, dealing with Slavers and whatnot. Other days, I questioned my loyalty to her when she began to free apostates and allowed a mage child to run to the Dalish. It was not unknown that the two of us argued often, yet she still asked me to accompany her on her "errands". Truth be told, I was not ungrateful, I could only stomach so much of that mansion for so long.

She came knocking, rather loudly, at my door one morning, if I was a ghost to any of my neighbors before then, several of them must have known someone was here by the ruckus she was making outside. Thankfully, no one suspicious came around in the days that followed, and I kept the door unlocked for her during the day. When I opened the door however, she was well-armed, and had Varric and Aveline in tow. She beamed at me as I opened the door.

"Care to accompany me into the Deep Roads?" She asked. I stared at her blankly for a moment, trying to process what she had just asked me. I had known of her impending expedition into the Deep Roads, and it was no surprise Varric was coming along with her, Aveline was not much of a surprise either, considering those two had some sort of bond, though Hawke pressed Aveline's buttons as well sometimes. I was surprised that she was inviting me, however. Truth be told, I was expecting her to invite Isabela, or even that mage, Anders. If there was one person who made me even more frustrated than Hawke, it was Anders. Hawke was a mage, yes, but she didn't mope and moan about their hardships to anyone with ears to listen. There are worse things in life than a little oppression, especially to those who so obviously need it.

"Come on Elf." Varric said. "Might make a little money to…er…_fix up_ your home here." Varric patted the walls of the mansion. The filter on that dwarf's mouth was honestly incredible. Now if only the Maker would grant Isabela one…if I had to hear about how much she "liked lanky", I would tear my hair out.

"You do need to get out Fenris. You've become a ghost." Aveline said, crossing her arms over her chest. She was the captian of the guard, and every movement she seemed to make reflected it, her attitude even seemed to fit the position unlike anything I've ever seen.

"Perhaps I wish to remain a ghost." I said stubbornly. Hawke narrowed her eyes.

"This is one of the reasons I wanted you to help me." She said, trying to keep the annoyance from her tone. "Please. You're…useful." A flare of anger bubbled in my gut. Danarius used to say the same exact thing, about my "skill", and "use" and "rarity". Hearing it from Hawke seemed to make me even angrier for some reason, even though I knew she did not mean it in that way. I swallowed my frustration for a moment, and sighed reluctantly.

"Are you sure you need me, Hawke?" I asked, staring straight into her sharp eyes.

"I'm positive." She didn't show any reluctance or indignity at saying that.

"Give me a moment then." I shut the door, and heard Varric cheer.

XXX

I armed myself and returned to the others soon after I shut the door. Hawke stood with her hands clasped behind her back, ,rocking heel to toe in an almost sarcastic manner. Varric stood next to her, fondling his crossbow, the one he calls "Bianca". I did not understand that it was the weapon's name until I had asked Hawke.

"His crossbow." She had said simply. "He has an…interesting relationship with that thing. It's…well…" She trailed off, but I did not need to hear much else to get the passionate "dwarf and crossbow" relationship that had unfolded.

Aveline acknowledged me first and waved the others onward. We started off towards where Bartrand and his team waited for us. There was a large group of people, all either armed or loading goods onto carts. It certainly seemed a large scale project. I glanced around for any other familiar faces, and turned to Hawke when I saw none.

"I noticed Carver is not here." I said. She snapped her head to me when she heard her brother's name, but shrugged dismissively.

"I didn't let him come." She said simply. "I…didn't want him getting hurt or killed. And besides, my mother asked me not to let him come. He was pretty angry about it but…it's for the best, I think." I was never overly fond of Hawke's younger brother. He often complained, and showed apparent envy of his older sister. There was no respect from him towards her, and even I held some respect for Hawke. I wanted to say I was disappointed at his absence, but I really wasn't.

"Perhaps it is." I said simply, dropping the subject quickly.

XXX

Within the next few hours, the expedition had set off towards the Deep Roads. Hawke walked up ahead with Varric and Bartrand, talking little, and shooting Varric different, rather rude faces when Bartrand spoke that would make Varric chuckle. There was a bond there between Varric and Hawke, more than likely because their personalities seemed to coincide with one another.

Aveline walked slightly behind them, and next to me. She would talk to me, and I could call her an acquaintance of sorts. She was a good woman, strong, sturdy and hard-working. I could respect her as I did Hawke, considering the position she bore on her shoulders as captian of Kirkwall's guard. "Honestly, I was surprised when you agreed to come along, Fenris." Aveline said. "I thought you and Hawke…"

"Disliked each other?" I finished. She blushed, signifying that that was exactly what she was thinking. "She has her…less appealing qualities, I will say."

"But…?"

"But that's it." I finished. Aveline just looked at me.

"Nothing else to say about her?"

"No." She sighed.

"You're impossible." As good a woman as Aveline was, she was easy to aggravate.

XXX

The trip took about a day or so, and one after the other, we piled into the entrance to the Deep Roads. Going from the surface to those tunnels was an…odd experience. The air was heavier down there, and my paranoid nature caused me look over my shoulder more and more often. At one point Hawke had told me to calm down or I would give myself whiplash. I could handle Magisters…I had killed an entire tribe of Fog Warriors, and evaded capture from slavers who were but flies to be crushed at this point…but Darkspawn…Darkspawn were something I had not yet come to face.

And it frightened me.

Hawke had little to no idea what awaited her in those Deep Roads. Regardless of the past Blight, there was never a shortage of Darkspawn. They could come creeping from nothing right when everyone least expects it. Regardless of the riches down there, many men were likely to die at some point.

Upon entering the Deep Roads, we were almost immediately greeted with a blocked path. I wasn't complaining, any sort of excuse _not _to go in was good enough for me. While Bartrand tried to figure out what to do, I found myself reflecting on what Aveline had said. Why _had _ I come? It was not for fighting Darkspawn…the riches perhaps? But what would a ghost do with a pocket full of gold.

I had given in when Hawke had asked me. She said I was useful. I knew she wasn't the reason, she couldn't have been. Yet why did I continue to follow her…?

"Fenris!" Hawke's voice broke my from my thoughts. She, Varric, and Aveline stood in front of me again. "Come on! We're going to scope out the Deep Roads!"


	5. Another Way

The Deep Roads were exactly as one could expect from a tunnel crawling with Darkspawn. The walls were high, and made entirely of crumbling grey stone. Torches hidden beyond my view cast an orange light throughout the tunnel. It made me wonder how the Darkspawn managed to build something like this. Up ahead was the crumbling wreckage that had blocked our way before. There was no way to climb it; it was too high and too unstable.

"See any way around it?" Varric asked, after a moment of quiet observation. Hawke shook her head.

"Not this way. The Deep Roads are huge though, there's no way there isn't a way around…" She turned from the rubble and scanned the way we had just come. "Maybe we should space out, just this area, and see if there's a hallway or hole we could crawl through." The four of us set to work, moving huge loose rocks and peeking near shadows to see if we could move through them. After a good fifteen minutes of this, Hawke found a way through.

"That's a conveniently placed hallway…" I said to her as she peered inside.

"Either the Maker's on our side or there's an ambush waiting for us. All things considered, I'd say the latter." She paused, and squinted into the hallway. "Be careful, it's dark." Whatever light there was in the main corridor, it was gone in here. Hawke used some of her magic to create a small, torch-like fireball in her palm. It did little to light the room, but at least it prevented anyone from tripping over some invisible object.

"So what if this hallway doesn't lead anywhere? We might just be walking into a dead end." Aveline said, scowling in the dark.

"Well then we go tell my brother... and face whatever wrath he decides suits the situation best." Varric said.

"Let's just hope it doesn't come to that…" Hawke said. "He didn't want me to come in the first place, I don't need to muck this up even more."

"You have not messed anything up." I assured her. She looked over her shoulder at me, obviously surprised I disagreed with her on that.

"I mean make this entire situation worse. If we can't get to whatever's down here I…I don't know what I'll do." Her voice sounded sad, and she quickly turned away from me. I could understand her desperation at needing to find money down here. She had templars dogging her all the time, (though lately Varric's been able to pay them to get off her back), a depressed mother, good for nothing uncle and a younger brother who despised her, all while dealing with the destruction of her home and death of her sister. If this didn't go well for her…who knows how the rest would play out? Suddenly I wished we would find a clear way into the Deep Roads, if for her sake…as odd as that sounded.

"It's not going to come to that Hawke." Varric said. "There's no such thing as a dead end in the Deep Roads."

XXX

That much had been true, at least. The hallway lead out into a room dimly lit by lyrium ores. Just the sight of the material made my markings pulse uncomfortably, and I wanted nothing more than to leave.

And there was Darkspawn too, to make matters worse.

I had no idea how Grey Wardens could stand it. They were monstrous, huge and clumsy, but still sent a shiver down your spine from just the sight of them. And their blood… just a drop left a burn mark on my arm. But the part of them that I disliked the most, was the fact that there were armies down here…a never ending army of Darkspawn still yet to appear. When the fight was over, Aveline kicked at a corpse with the tip of her boot.

"Bloody monsters…" She muttered. "Is Bartrand trying to kill us?"

"That's quite possible…" Varric shrugged, joking, as usual.

Hawke brushed her dark bangs from her eyes and glanced at me. "Fenris, did it hurt you?" She eyed the burn mark on my arm. By now, it was dark red and stinging.

"It is from the blood." I said simply, not wanting her to make a bigger deal out of it than it was.

"Does it hurt? I can help." She raised one hand and I knew what she was referring to, I immediately took a step away from her.

"Keep your spells _away _from me!" I snarled. Hawke blinked and lowered her hand very slowly.

"Fine." Her voice grew dark and she turned on a heel, stalking away from me. I touched the burn on my arm and winced. It hurt, but it didn't hurt enough that I would allow healing magic.

The room would have been a dead-end, as Aveline said, if a huge hole had not been knocked into the stone wall. We crawled through it, nearly everyone slipping on the rubble past the hole. Hawke and Varric walked up ahead, and both stopped abruptly. It wasn't until I got closer that I could see why.

The dwarf merchant's son…Bodhan, I believe his name was, stood staring out into the Deep Roads, unaware of our presence.

"Sandal?" Hawke asked, almost gently. The boy turned, unshaken by her presence, or the possibility of Darkspawn. "Are you all right?" Sandal blinked slowly at her.

"Enchantment!" He said quietly, pointing. My small company all turned their heads, and gaped at the massive ogre that looked to be running at us. Hawke had even taken a few steps back to make more space between them. That was unnecessary however, because the ogre had been frozen solid.

"Maker….How did you…when did you…?" Hawke began to stutter.

"Enchantment!" Sandal cried happily, handing something to Hawke before walking past her, back the way we had just come.

"Should we follow him and make sure he gets back all right?" Aveline asked, watching him leave.

"He got himself down here, and besides, it's a straight walk back to the surface. He'll be fine." Varric assured her. I moved slowly passed the ogre, unsure if this enchantment will wear off soon, but the thing was frozen solid. It was astounding how a dwarf child could cast enchantments with so much…power to them. Astounding, and dangerous.

As we walked, I noticed Hawke tossing something in the air and catching it again. It was a runestone, the thing Sandal had given her. I knew just throwing it wouldn't do harm to anyone, but that didn't make me less nervous.

"Would you stop throwing that?" I asked.

"What? This? It's a stone."

"A runestone."

"It's not going to hurt anyone." Hawke said, growing aggravated. "It's a _rock_. I don't even know how to use it."

"All the more reason not to toss it." She looked at me for a long time, her sharp eyes narrowing in obvious frustration.

"You don't trust me, do you?"

"It's not that."

"Then let me play with my rock." Her sudden attitude was a bit shocking, she'd always seemed somewhat calm.

"One of us could freeze like that ogre." I said.

"You really don't trust me…" She looked almost amused, but the look in her eyes said otherwise. "Wow. Fine, I'll put it down, happy?" Her voice sounded hurt, and for a moment I felt guilty about yelling at her. I wanted to respond, but how? She was obviously angry at me, but I didn't want her to be. It was true I did not completely trust her, but mages could not be trusted, she had to understand that, even if she was a mage.

"Um…well on a different note, looks like we found a way through the rubble." Varric said. "We went in a circle, there's the entrance."

"Great." Hawke said happily, forgetting she was mad at me for a moment. "Let's go get your brother."


End file.
